i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
