My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
