I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Your cock deserves a montage
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
