my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
