I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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