Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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