i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
