you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
