You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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