i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
