Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
