no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
