I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
