Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
