fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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