Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
