sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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