is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
