That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
