somebody snuck up and got me drunk
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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