just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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