I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
smell my finger.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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