writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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