I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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