I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have aggressive nipples.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
