Apparently you make a good broom.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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