She's JV to your varsity
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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