Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Ladies don't puke and tell
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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