I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
