And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
