Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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