Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
