we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
