I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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