So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
