youre lurking in front of me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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