Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
