McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
did i walk over a car last night?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
