some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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