after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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