Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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