you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
