i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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