guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
