There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
