one might say we're banned from that church
I think I sprained my soul last night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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