where does the pee come out of this thing
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
