I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
