considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize