Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
