i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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