I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
