i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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