Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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