I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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