i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
