Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
