His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
