When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
