dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
