Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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