I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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