yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
