Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I am midnight drunk by noon
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
