getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
