Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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