wakey wakey hands off snakey
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So. Much. Porn.
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