I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Randomize
