I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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